How to Be a Good Wife and Mother
In this post, I talk about what I think it takes to be a Good Mother, a Good Wife and also I touch on my thoughts on having a Good Husband. At the end, I share some books and other resources that help me when I am feeling overwhelmed or lacking direction in my mothering.
When I was asked by a friend for my personal opinion on what matters most in motherhood, what it takes to be a good mother and wife, my response was easily, sacrifice and humility.
And I go on to explain why having humility and being aware of what you’re sacrificing are motherhood priorities.
A GOOD MOTHER
Time Changes Most Things
Anyone can sacrifice and be humble for a short time. Being a good mother takes endurance to love and raise and really try your best for years and years to follow.
Parenting is the hardest job because it never ends and it always changes. Even changes in our socio-economical environment can impact aspects of parenting. Parents of the past faced different challenges than parents of today.
Before I became a mom, I wondered if I would be a good mom or be able to parent in the ways I thought were best. It turns out that I actually do not parent in some of the ways I thought I might. I’m not the mother I thought I’d be, but all for the best.
Humility Reminds Us We Don’t Know Everything
We all take our own personalities into mothering our children but the thing all mothers have in common is that (unless there is true mental difficulty) a woman will instinctually feel natural love and protection for her children.
The choices that do not come as natural may sometimes feel overwhelming but if you’re an intentional parent like myself, you’ll come to notice, each decision you have to make, will revolve around the basis of your deep love and the responsibility you have of protecting your child. Each mother’s gauge on these decisions though, varies.
You might seem strict in the choices you make in parenting, but your way of best loving and protecting your child is going to be different than other mothers.
This is because we prioritize differently, which stems from how we were raised.
We grew up having too much, too little, or just enough of certain things - and naturally, we aim to want to correct it or replicate it in our child’s lives.
I’ve seen this happen in my own life and of those around me. For example, I watched way too much TV as a child and have severely limited that for my children and another mother may have a completely different experience and so her approach may be much different.
The choices are always there for us to make, regarding religion, schooling, social life, risk vs adventure, the foods we eat, etc, and even without having perfect clarity on each topic, having the humility to ask questions, seek advice and to change course when/if needed is key to being a good mother for your children.
It might be a surprise the kind of mother you become and if you let yourself, growth and maturation will help you to further grow into an even better mother year after year.
Love and Sacrifice are the only constants
We all know the things parents sacrifice, such as their time, sleep, and opportunities, amongst other things.
If you don’t carry the weight of these sacrifices, your child is the one affected.
For example, you don’t make the sacrifice to stay up late and plan your week ahead, and your children never learns executive functioning.
You don’t make the sacrifices to keep a clean home and your child may never learn good habits and hygiene.
You don’t sacrifice your pride, apologize to your spouse, and correct the way you address each other and your child internalizes those interactions and it affects their relationships as they age.
These are all examples of sacrifices that someone who is not a parent can choose NOT to make and often the affects of that choice only affects themselves.
Sacrifice goes hand in hand with humility.
Sacrificing our pride is the most important, most consistent and hardest sacrifice to make as a parent.
When you have to sacrifice your mindset in order to become a new person for your child or when you have to sacrifice your emotions in order to be the leader your child needs, humility is needed.
By choosing not to sacrifice your pride, you might instead be sacrificing your child’s connection to you and their ability to be good to others as an adult.
Ultimately the mark of a good parent is how well adjusted your child is as an adult. This is the fruit of your labor.
A GOOD WIFE
I am still early in my learning about being a good wife. Only recently me and my husband have been leaning into more traditional marriage and relationship structure.
For us that means that he is the leader of the house and leads more often than I do, but growing up that’s not what I saw in my household, so I can’t say that I have had a good example of the wife I am now growing to be.
Being a good wife is tricky because I think it first takes having the right man that God wants for you. With the right man, he can hold your hand through any hard lessons and changes.
Humility and sacrifice are pivotal here too.
A Good Wife will have the home taken care of and the children taken care of. The husband will be able to focus on providing for and securing the household.. as well as, loving his wife and children ardently.
A good wife doesn’t apply outside ideals and patterns of behavior onto how she wishes her husband and her life should be.. instead she is content and grateful and encouraging.
A good wife is sure to respect her husband’s lead and be sure the children do as well so the family unit is not degraded.
Here are some additional ways I try to be a good wife:
Listen and consider your husband’s point of view and take some time to yourself before immediately responding if it’s something you’re disagreeing over
Write out big feelings and emotions in the moments when they feel the worst (instead of taking these thoughts to your husband) and read them later when you’re feeling more sensible
Apologize when necessary
Build confidence in your husband regarding your mothering by making the right choices for the children (regarding their health, safety, and their time spent, for example)
See your husband as your teammate and make it a priority to stay on the same page about most things
Show love and joy towards your husband in front of your children
A woman feeling loved and taken care of by a Good Husband, will more gracefully handle the sacrifice and humility it takes to be both a Good Mother and a Good Wife.
A Good Husband Paves the Path for a Truly Remarkable Wife
In order to truly find a good wife, it’s important a good husband comes first. There’s danger in being a wholeheartedly submissive and ideal wife to a man who is not yet ready to be a “good” husband.
So what makes for a good husband?
A Good Husband is a man who is steady and not quick to anger.
A man who does not blame but instead problem-solves.
A man who can be resolute, has a good listening ear, takes on what is needed in the home to relieve his wife if she’s feeling overwhelmed, and a man who leads the children with love and a firm nature.
A husband leads the household and sets the tone for each member, starting with his wife, whether he knows this or not. A woman reacts and responds to her husband’s nature.
What are some other great qualities of a good husband? Please share some in the comments!
A good wife can be made whole and brought to her greatest ideal self when she is joined with the right man as her husband.
**I believe a mom is meant to teach her daughter how to choose a future husband, so that daughters aren’t sacrificing themselves trying to be good wives to the wrong kind of man.
In Conclusion
A good wife and mother understands she is a part of a whole and even though it is not easy, God made woman empathetic and thoughtful to best serve those around her. Humility and sacrifice are still my final answers.
Constant sacrifice can wear even the best people down so that’s why I believe tending to your own well-being is the most important part in being able to be the best Mother and Wife.
Find what’s important to your well-being and choose a few habits to keep you on track toward cultivating a more restful life.
