6 Simple Ways to Be the Helper God Designed You to Be in Marriage

Let’s talk for real, if you are a Bible believing woman in the world then you know “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” and if you love God, you probably have taken that role on in stride, but if you’re not in the word (as I was not until very recently), you may not know truly how significant a wife is to her husband and vice versa.

I want to challenge you think about how much of a helper you are to your husband! Here’s a short list of things to do or maybe that you already do, that fall under the category of being the God-given helper that your husband didn’t even know he needed.

Pray for him

As I shared in a previous post, I reached a point in my marriage where I became convicted of voicing every unfettered comment and frustration to my husband before going to God in prayer with my concerns. It felt like the only way to get through to the other side of whatever we were going through, which I couldn’t understand at the time. This was God’s plan to help me grow my faith. I saw God move for me in real ways because I prayed for it. I prayed for Him to help my faith, to strengthen it and to help me see what changes I needed to make in my life to reach the peace I heard so many speak of!

Well through my growing faith, I realized I had been selfish in my prayers. I would ask God to help me, help me.. but what about my Husband? I hadn’t even stopped to think about what he could be struggling with. He wasn’t the type to voice any of that. Since coming over a big hill of our relationship together, he’s been much more vocal and inviting me in and I’ve been praying for him more consistently. For a believer, prayers are the beginning of the confirmation and reedification of your faith. By praying for your husband, you bring him great protection and favor and you constantly invite God to be the third cord in your marriage. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” -Ecclesiastes 4:12

Feed him nourishing foods and encourage a healthy body

If he’s the cook, encourage healthy eating. But if you’re the cook, you should help your husband by preparing and packing him meals that fuel cleanse, and heal his body. An unclean temple will not edify or glorify the kingdom of God. By helping to keep your husband in tip-top shape, you are doing what you were designed by God to do. The leader can lead in right fashion given the proper tools and a prudent wife is his most valuable tool and without one, (or with a wife who does not realize her God-given value) a man is incomplete.

You can have a husband who is ready and fueled for the spiritual battle we face everyday, or he can be weighed down and undernourished by the choices you make together surrounding your health. If your husband is not yet making healthy choices on his own or leading the house in that direction, you can be an encouragement by simply living right and choosing right for you first. Then pray to God that your husband be delivered from any spirits of gluttony or sloth. Don’t nag him, love him, keep praying and keep living righteously.

Don’t nag him, go to God with your issues

I may make this point forever to wives since I was a nagging wife. I thought I was always right and because of that, I thought everyone had to hear my point. I thought if I just share my points, the reasonable thing for others to do would be to agree with me. Yikes! So, in this case when your husband is not in agreement, you kind of just start nagging because you feel unheard — when really, he heard you, he just may see things differently and doesn’t agree or it’s something that God will work out in him. Even if your husband doesn’t see it NOW, once you get out of God’s way and keep a positive, loving, gracious attitude, you’ll be doing more good than if you were wearing your husband down like it was your full-time job!

If your husband loves you and loves God, he will see it the way God wants it for both of you. And it’s not your job to force him to see anything. But rather, praying with all your might and being the example, your Husband will feel more encouraged to fully step into his role. A good leader is one who serves others and he will see what’s right when God reveals it to him. Just don’t nag him about it, go to God in prayer and God will take on your worries. Just be ready to see your own shortcomings and also keep a prayer journal so you can give praise for answered prayers! Always remember to have gratitude.

Raise your children up knowing God and having Faith

It’s easy to see how raising up your children in faith is helpful to your husband. His whole purpose in working to serve, is to care and provide for you (his wife) and the children. Your husband is commanded to “..not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” -Ephesians 6:4 With your help, your children will be equipped to stand a chance against the darkness of world. This does so much for your husband’s heart and spirit. The greatest thing is that NO ONE is naturally better suited for the job, than you. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” -Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Encourage him to lead & Have faith in his direction

If something he’s interested in pursuing scares you, as long as it’s not sin or against the word, let him lead and pursue because God has put it on his heart that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 and any man would feel the pressure of this responsibility. You may or may not agree with how your husband goes about his business of providing, but either way, God created you to help and not to take over. It feels a bit relaxing to be able to leave a lot of the mental stress on your husband. He was made to handle that. Your load as his helper, is to be there to take on some of the physical stress of raising the children, keeping the home, and assisting in business where your husband needs. But to try to lead the household this way or that way, by your own will, will only create divide between you and your husband. A good book I’ve read that has helped me to understand and surrender in this way is “Let the Older Woman Teach” by Midge Vice. (A great consignment store find!)

Build him up instead of tearing him down

Okay story time again, I grew up in a home where making jokes and picking on one another was common. So my husband was someone who swallowed a lot of comments coming from me, not because I didn’t love him and not even because I was angry, but because I had learned that you could say something as a joke or even say something a bit harsh and it should be okay if you’re charming and follow it up with a carefree attitude. Horrible, I know. Since my husband never told me otherwise, I assumed that the things I said never “got to him”. And maybe sometimes I tried to say certain things because I didn’t feel I could “get to him”.

Those were not shining moments and very sad now to think about, but the glory is in that we’ve been redeemed in our love and tender care for each other. In “Let the Older Woman Teach”, Midge Vice offers that, a woman who wants to ruin her marriage fast will tear her husband down and say things that are hard for him to forget. I’m so blessed we’ve gotten to a point to get every awkward, upsetting, and insecure bit out on the table to be thrown into God’s hands so we can move forward and better now. “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)” -Ephesians 5:33 A great companion to diving deeper into Ephesians 5:33 is the book “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs, I just started it but it sums up a lot of martial difficulties so well, spring boarding off this one scripture!

Conclusion

What I hope you take from this, if nothing else is, other than abuse, there is no good reason to harbor feelings against your husband or play the role of an enemy when God made you to be cleaved, in agreement, united as one. Sure there are times when issues arise but if you’re like me and you want to be your very best in the eyes of the Lord, then you’ll want to:

• forgive,

• listen and think before you speak,

• suggest ways of loving and living better and let your husband take the lead,

• best manage the aspects of your lives together that fall under your authority,

• and be a fountain of peace, love and kindness.

I know it may sound like a lot but truly, through Him all things are possible! And I pray that for you. Amen.

Share your favorite marriage scripture below in the comments! <3

Share your favorite marriage scripture below in the comments! <3